grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is the high leading the old right now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize