So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
