he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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