A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
