when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
