my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
