i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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