My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
