I got chris browned last night
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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