My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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