there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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