i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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