Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
