I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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