I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
