I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
