If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
