we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
