last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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