I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
