I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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