Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
