I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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