I skipped work to stalk him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
