No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
