I love black thongs
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
