his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize