I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
