Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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