I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
where are my eyebrows?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
