I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
