How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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