It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
