its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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