Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
