Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
