just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My liver just broke up with me...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
