I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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