A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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