so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
