It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
