Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
