If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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