i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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