U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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