According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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