That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
