Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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