Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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