I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
