There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
