he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
