i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They took my balls.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
