I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
