I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
