Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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