did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
