My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
