I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
