My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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