I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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