There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
