Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
