O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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