i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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